Equality is Both

REI has put out a campaign recently – called Force of Nature. This campaign works to create equality for women in the outdoors. I have always tended on the side of feminism, so when I first saw this campaign, I was stoked.

Stoked to see women getting inspired outdoors. Since I have always felt most inspired and empowered outdoors.

While I am always excited to see women feel empowered, there is still a little confusion regarding this campaign for me…

When I look at REI’s Instagram account, I do not see a single photo with a man in it since they launched the campaign in early April. While I do believe that women can empower each other greatly, and that we all have a lot of fun together, I still can’t help but feel like the men in all of our lives are getting left out of the picture (literally…).

I LOVE the women in my life that make me feel inspired. My mother has been my biggest source of inspiration since I was a little girl. I have always looked to her to see how to present myself with dignity and how to keep a badass approach to life.

But what about the men in my life?

Sure, I joke about men being so impossible when I’m complaining about dating struggles with my girlfriends… But that doesn’t mean that the men in my life haven’t been critical to my strength as a woman.

What about my grandfather? Who told me to pull myself up by my bootstraps when I got thrown off a horse as a little girl. At the time, getting up off the ground felt like too big of a task, but when he chuckled and casually told me to get back on the horse, it suddenly felt so humorously possible.

What about my father? Who made sure to take the time to raise me to be independent – showing me how to maintain my vehicle, how to chop wood, cook healthy food, start a fire, and taught me that there’s nothing more dangerous than a dull knife.

What about my brother? Who can always tell when I’m down and knows exactly what I need – placing his hand gently on my back and asking if I want to talk about it.

What about all of my male friends? The ones who have taught me to climb and surf and find new ways of fun outdoors. The ones always behind the camera, capturing my big moments. They have always taken me with them, even though I am not always able to “keep up”. They wait patiently for me to gather myself and help me push past my fears – cheering and celebrating louder than anyone when I finally succeed.

What about the men I have dated? Teaching me how to still be myself in a relationship. How important it is to love myself before someone else can love me. Showing me how beautiful I am, even when I couldn’t see it myself. Showing me how capable I am, by not letting me quit when things get tough or scary.

I thoroughly believe in women bonding together, working together to empower and inspire one another. But let’s not forget about the men who have seen us on the ground, covered in dirt, and feeling powerless, but who have taken the time to tell us to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and get back on the horse. The men who have seen us scared, and told us to keep trying anyway. The men who have made us feel more loved and inspired than we could have ever imagined.

Because, to me, women getting together without any men is not equality. In fact, it’s quite the opposite.

When we’re adventuring with men and women…

When we’re inspired by both men and women…

When we’re told to “rub some dirt on it and give it another go” by the men in our lives…

that’s when real equality happens.  

A "Thank You" To the Man Who Broke My Heart

Thank you. 

If it weren’t for the shadows you cast, I wouldn’t have appreciated the light. 

If it weren’t for the times you ripped my emotions around, I wouldn’t have become so resilient. 

If it weren’t for the times you lied, I wouldn’t have valued honesty so much. 

If it weren’t for the times you made me feel so little and insignificant, I wouldn’t have learned to rely on myself to supply my own confidence. 

So thank you for tearing me down, now I know how to build myself back up. 

Thank you for breaking my heart, now it's stronger than its ever been.

You Believe in Me

I recently shared a piece of writing where I talk about how comfort zones are just a figment of our imagination. They are theoretical in nature. In this writing, I give a recent example of when I pushed my comfort zone aside and climbed a route that was higher than anything I had ever done before. Climbing that rock face was not the only thing I shared that was out of my comfort zone. In sharing my writing, alone, I was pushing past my comfort zone. Almost more so than when I climbed that rock.

After sharing my piece with the Lipstick and Laundry blog, I received an unbelievable amount of support and praise for my piece. I was (and am still) shocked. For some reason, I got it into my head that no one would want to hear what I have to write. The same way I got it into my head that I was not capable of completing a big climb.

Then suddenly, it dawned on me…

I was the one who initially pushed past my comfort zone of climbing that rock. I was the one who initially sat my insecurities aside and sent my piece to Michelle, the brilliant creator of the Lipstick and Laundry blog.

However, it wasn’t me who made myself feel confident and secure in my decisions to do so.

It was the people around me. The people in my life. The strangers online.

The evening I sat in my room and wondered whether or not I would climb that wall the next day with Patrick, a very confident, seasoned climber.

That was me.

The next morning when I woke and packed my climbing gear.

That was me.

The moment I stood at the base of the wall and looked up and decided that I could climb it.

That was NOT me.

That was Patrick.

I looked up and saw the wall stretching on forever, and thought to myself, “Who the heck are you to climb this wall? You’re not even a strong climber… Shoot, you can barely walk down the sidewalk without tripping…”

But it was Patrick, who had complete confidence in me. In the fact that I could climb this wall. In the fact that my comfort zone was just a figment of my imagination.  He knew that I was capable. And when he looked over and saw my mini-panic attack going on in my head, he just smiled and said, “You’ve got this.”

And I knew he was right. He had confidence in me, and so therefore, I had confidence in me, too. 

When Michelle reached out to me and asked me to write a piece for her blog, I felt completely intimidated by the thought. But I decided to accept her gracious offer.

That was me.

I wrote the piece for her blog.

That was me.

I had the confidence to publish it for the virtual world to see.

That was NOT me.

That was Michelle.

She gave me great praise when she first read it and told me how excited she was to share it with her followers. After sharing the piece, I received so much love and praise and excitement from friends, family, and strangers, alike! I still am not sure how to handle it. Sometimes, thinking about the fact that people are stopping to take the time to read what I have to say is overwhelmingly flattering.

But it also begs the question of… when was the last time I showed someone my complete and utter confidence in their abilities?

I like to think of myself as a generally positive-minded person and I have a tendency to think highly of everyone I meet. I believe that everyone I know is capable of great things. In fact, there is no doubt in my mind that they are all capable of glorious, amazing, inspiring things!

But when was the last time I actually told them that?

When was the last time I said, “you got this,” to a friend who is feeling unsure of themself?

When was the last time I shared a friend’s passion for others to see, simply because I believe in them?

When was the last time I truly gave someone praise for their ability to push their comfort zones aside and live life to the fullest?

When was the last time I simply told someone that I am proud of them, for being 100% and completely themselves?

Sure, we may have to be the ones to initially push past our comfort zones… However, when it comes to doing so with confidence and passion, it has absolutely nothing to do with us. It has to do with the people around us. The people who believe in us. The people who want to watch us succeed.

Thank you, Patrick, for knowing that I was capable of that climb… long before I was aware of that fact. 

Thank you, Michelle, for knowing that my writing could have some sort of impact, even if I had no clue until after you posted it.

Thank you, not only to those who have believed in me without question and with all of their hearts… But to those who made a point to tell me so.

Be verbal. Tell someone that you believe in them. It may be what they need to hear to push their boundaries aside and start living the life they have always dreamed of. A life without inhibitions, a life with passion and confidence.

“I BELIEVE IN YOU.”

This is dedicated to my biggest believer: my mom, who is also my bestest and closest friend.